I have to be honest with you, I have absolutely no musical talent. Yes, that's right, I said it. I bet you're wondering how a person that can't tell the difference between a chord and a string and still thinks an octave has something to do with gasoline, can possibly review and criticize various artist and albums. Okay, maybe you aren't thinking that, but regardless of what you think, I needed to get that secret off my chest. However, my lack of musical abilities reaches far beyond the talent of singing and producing melodies, it also extends to the outer fringe of musical ability in the world of musical video games. I have to be honest with you again, I am one of the worst Guitar Hero players ever. Although I have only played a hand full of times, the computer has still refused to tell me that "You Rock!". In fact, the only song I can do well on is The Killers track When You Were Young. Throughout my few, yet depressing relationships with Guitar Hero I have come across many Guitar Hero wizards, who although they know exactly where all the six colorful buttons are on the plastic Xbox guitar, they would be completely lost on a fiberglass and metal one. The musical sheets would further confuse them, since they only know how to read musical lines consisting of rainbow colored circles moving across a computer screen. I like to call this person exactly what they are, a Guitar Phony. Below, I have provided an easy guide to help you spot a Guitar Phony.
Me-"So have you heard the new Metalica CD?"
Josh-"You bet! I mastered two of those songs on the guitar the other day!"
Me-"Oh really? That's pretty sweet. I didn't know you played guitar."
Josh-"Oh you bet I do, no one can beat me at it."
Me-"Wait, did you just say beat you at it? What do you mean?"
Josh-"Dude, my high score on Guitar Hero Metalica is like 10895082, who could beat that?!"
Me-"Oh..."
I've come across this conversation countless times which makes me further refuse to purchase this game or any like it. Below I have provided a more specific guide to help you spot a Guitar Phony, add up the points, if the number exceeds 10, the person is no Guitar Hero, he's a Guitar Zero!
Plays air guitar in public places +3
Wears band T-Shirts +1
Wears graphic T-Shirts when he isn't wearing a band T-Shirt +1
Played/plays the keyboard in band class +2
Lives in mother's basement +4
Wears tight jeans +1
Owns Guitar Hero +7
Owns Rock Band +6
Owns Rock Band and Guitar Hero +9
