Well I've finally have made it to the tenth post, which means I'm also 10% done with my goal. So in honor of this milestone, I decided to choose a topic that I think everyone can connect with; the bagger at your grocery store.
When I was about seven, I use to go to Stop and Shop, which is a large grocery store chain out where I am, to help out my mom. And like all kids, I grew bored very easily, especially when we were at the cash register. So what did I do? I watched the grocery boy pack my food. Then one day, I saw something that fascinated me; instructions for how to properly pack a paper bag with food. Now even though I was a mere child, I still thought the concept of properly packing a grocery bag seemed pretty simple. I knew that you put heavier things on the bottom, keep the frozen food together, and put the eggs in a separate bag. So how is it that even a seven year old child that's still reading books like the Bernstein Bears and watching Barney, is more capable of packing groceries than a college drop out? Even to this day, I have not been able to figure out the answer to this question, so being the philosopher I am, I decided to spent some time thinking about what goes through a grocery packers mind as dozens of food items are being shot at him across conveyor belts. Here's what I've come up with:
Me-Oh dear, look at all this food coming at me! What do I do?! Okay well the bread is coming first, I have to impress my boss by doing this as fast as I can, so bread, you're goin' on the bottom on THIS paper bag my friend. Oh and here comes mister soda, I've already got a nice spot reserved for you on top of the bread. Okay, good, now that I safely have three bottles of soda on top of the bread, I can start a new bag. Mr. Oreo, today is your lucky day, you're the first resident in this new paper bag! Oh look, here comes Mrs. Milk! They say milk and Oreos go great together, so I'll just let you guys get nice and close to get to know each other better. And now we'll put Mr. steaming chicken on top of the ice cream, and we are done! Just another day's work Mikey. Now I can go home and play some Ruinscape after a nice bowl of Kraft mac and cheese!
Seriously, that's the only rational explanation I have... Anyway, here are just a couple of great combinations of food I have discovered in my grocery bags upon returning home:
- Icecream on top of bread (Maybe they thought I was going to make an ice cream sandwich?)
- Eggs on the bottom of all my meat and frozen food (Who needs hardboiled eggs when you can have hard froozen ones?)
- Soda in the same bag as chips (Yeah, they go great together at parties, just not in bags)
- Canned food+body wash+raw meat+Twizzlers+same bag=weirdness
- 4 bottles of soda+2 bottles of juice+same bag=big hole in the bottom when I try to lift it
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