#9. No Offense... (Odd Phrases Part: 4)

I think this is a phrase that just about everyone hates, yet for some reason, everyone uses. It is a close relative to the "To be honest..." phrase, and applies in the same way. But first, let me run you through an example.

Natalie-"Hey Mike! Look at the new dress I bought! What do you think of it?"

Me-"Well Natalie, no offense, but it makes you look really fat."

Now obviously, I would never call a girl fat, since I probably wouldn't get a date until I'm out of college, but the word application still remains the same. I never understood why people say this phrase, since it doesn't provide any comfort what so ever. Which makes me wonder if anyone has responded like this.

Mark-"Hey Steve, what did you think of my pitching in last night's game?"

Steve-"Well, no offense, but it really sucked."

Mark-"Really? Well under normal circumstances I would be mad at you, but you said no offense, so now suddenly I realize you're only trying to help me and not insult me, thanks man, you're the best!"

Okay, yeah, I know, no one would ever say that. Why? Because people don't care if you say "no offense" if you're going to tell them something offensive. You're the only one benefiting since you're pretty much telling yourself "Sweet, I can tell this person off, but they can't get mad". Which once more makes me wonder if any conversation like this has ever happened:

Mark-"Hey Steve, what did you think of my pitching in last night's game?"

Steve-"Well, no offense, but it really sucked."

Mark-"Wow, that's really nice of you. You jerk you can't just-"

Steve-"Uh hey, watch what you're saying, I said no offense man, so just calm down."

Mark-"Oh right, I forgot, I'm sorry, continue criticizing me blatantly and without remorse."

And have you ever noticed that people always give you this weird look that just shouts "Wow, I'm so much better than you.", but hey, at least they said no offense.

So no offense all you guys out there that use this phrase, but to be honest, it just sucks, so stop using it.